i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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