After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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