I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
someone owes me an orgasm
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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