He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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