i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
