i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
