He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
