It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
