pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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