operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
