I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
