I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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