Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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