just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
