one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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