ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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