She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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