were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
