hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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