So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
