if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
