I like my sex mixed with concussions.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
