Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
