you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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