halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
