An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize