I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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