while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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