even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
