he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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