If that was your dad, he is hot
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
