I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
