I wish life had little blips of pornography
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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