So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
