One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She told me I should be a condom model.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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