Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
