Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They are going to name an STD after you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
