he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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