it wasn't lemon gatorade
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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