I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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