What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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