so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
