the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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