I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize