When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
