i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
