I'm drive I can fine osifer
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
