life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This is my gift to your gina
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
