ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
