Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
