Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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