weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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