i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize