we made out on top of his cat.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
